The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective sensations of tourist attraction, other excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that numerous of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay men want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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